Have you ever wanted to passively-aggressively say something without having to deal with the consequences? If your level of petty is that advanced, like mine, then bumper stickers are for you (or, like me, you enjoy them a lot). There’s something endearing about the non-confrontational way a witty sticker sends a message, and how it still packs a punch when you read it, whether you’re in the wrong or not. The best bumper stickers are:
- Non-political
- Straight-forward
- Very specific
Some people like to intellectualize the bumper sticker, saying it’s a way for people to convey a complicated opinion in the simplest way, or that it’s a form of freedom of expression. That’s all true, but most of the time it’s the nonsense that gets a chuckle out of you while you’re sitting in traffic.
Here are some of the funniest bumper stickers that people have found and shared online for the whole world to see:
1. This person has made it very clear that they have a bad case of the Mondays….every day. If you’re driving behind them, stay as far away as possible. It looks like they have nothing to lose.
2. Cars have personal space issues too, and you should all be respecting that.
3. How do you behave like a good humble Christian while also maintaining that you’re the best and everyone should love you the most? Use this bumper sticker, of course.
4. Hats off to this person clearing the air around the stereotype that all knitters are secretly murderers.
5. Imagine you reach old age, and you still have to get around somehow, so you drive even though society tells you to stop. Wouldn’t you get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again? Not all people over the age of 65 are terrible drivers, and this person must have heard that one too many times. I fully support his right to be blunt and tell everyone to shut up.
6. There are so many blades to this sword that we need to deconstruct it properly. First, the notion that corporations are people, as sold by the capitalist construct. Then you have the backhanded slap at Texas for still allowing the barbaric practice of the death penalty. I bet if you start a conversation with this person, you’ll end up talking about a conspiracy theory in less than a minute.
8. Here’s another important message. Did you know the pit bull isn’t the only breed getting the banhammer around the world because of the notion that they’re too violent? Some other breeds that are controversial in a lot of countries include the Boerboel, the Wolfdog, the American Bulldog and the Japanese Tosa Inu.
9. If you can’t stop stupid people from saying that gravity is just a theory, then do the best next thing and judge them for it. Technically, gravity is the theory (or myth) that explains how the earth sucks, so this sticker is even more on point. My guess on who’s behind the wheel: a high school science teacher or a dad.
10. Won’t anyone think of the adults? If you’ve seen a “Baby on Board” sticker and thought to yourself, “Who cares?” then this one should give you pause when you come across it. But in all seriousness, keep an out for everyone. According to the Association for Safe International Road Travel, more than half of car crashes happen to adult between the ages of 18-44. But that doesn’t sound as good on a bumper sticker.
12. Sometimes, I forget that not everyone takes a bumper sticker opportunity to make some aggravating generalization about a group of people. If you’re the owner of this bumper sticker, bless you, you pure soul.
13. How do tell the person behind you that if they can see your sticker they’re driving too close, without resorting to cliches? You do the best next thing and use a classic brand of fake apology. The best part is that this has a Canadian license plate, proving that yes, Canadians are nice, but they can also pack some of the hottest passive-aggressive flames in the game.
14. This person says she’s sorry she missed church because she was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian. She makes it sound like those are the two only options out there: either go to Sunday mass, or join a Wiccan clan where men are not allowed.
16. It takes a few seconds for this burn to kick in, and that makes it all the more effective and hilarious. Let’s just hope this person doesn’t run into someone who can go into a road rage over a bumper sticker.
