Apparently A Lot Of People Have ‘Poop Knives’ And They’re Worse Than You Think

Reddit user LearnedButt shared a story with the internet that has people both grossed out and oddly relating to his situation. Growing up, LearnedButt had a family “poop knife.” That sounds pretty gross, but maybe it was just a name? No, no it was not. This was a real knife for cutting up real poops.

The thing is, everyone’s family has odd rituals, tools, rules, and other traditions. However, for a family to have a designated poop knife gave a lot of people pause. Surely this wasn’t what they all thought it was? Alas, it completely was. It was a tool used by LearnedButt and his family to chop up their unwieldy bowel movements.

Once LearnedButt shared the story of his family poop knife, he received the kind of reactions one might expect, but he also found that there were people whose families had other poop utensils. LearnedButt was suddenly not so alone. However, the designated poop knife is still kind of gross.

It all started with a thread LearnedButt created in r/confession, titled “I was 22 years old when I learned that not every family has a poop knife.”

Many years later, LearnedButt found himself at a friend’s house. This was the beginning of the moment when he learned that not everyone had a family poop knife growing up.

LearnedButt’s humiliation was twofold: he had to be terribly embarrassed in front of a group of people, and he also had to learn that his family was very weird.

LearnedButt then told the whole story to his wife, who also was unaware of the whole “designated poop knife” situation. Hopefully, she wasn’t ordering clothes from Amazon…

Obviously, people had questions; many questions. Chief among them was why the poop knife would not have been stored in the bathroom. LearnedButt cleared that right up:

As it turns out, other Reddit users had their own stories of other poop utensils. Mrswhirly described her own family’s bathroom tool. While not a knife, it was obviously just as effective.

Other families did not so much have other poop utensils as just strange bathroom rituals. For instance, DrJawn’s father had his own way of relieving himself.

Of course, some folks are not as refined as LearnedButt and his family. Some people like Reddit user totallynotawoman know that sometimes the job just needs to get done.

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