24 Inanimate Objects Sexier Than Blake Shelton

This year, People magazine named Blake Shelton the “Sexiest Man Alive,” and, well, some folks were not all that impressed. It wasn’t hard to see why. Out of all the Hollywood hunks to choose from, Blake Shelton is the sexiest? No. Absolutely not. There are too many people that are sexier than Blake Shelton.

Setting aside Blake Shelton’s blatant racism and homophobia, he’s still not exactly the picture of perfection. There have to be men in Hollywood who are sexier than the country Singer/The Voice judge. Is it really so hard to find someone or even something that is sexier than Blake Shelton?

As it turns out, no, it is not. These sexy inanimate objects knock Blake Shelton out of the park. Who could argue with the fact that anything in these photos looks way sexier than Blake Shelton? These are objects of beauty. Blake Shelton is not. Enjoy these photos (which are way sexier than Blake Shelton)!

1. This perfectly spiraled aloe is way sexier than Blake Shelton. Look at the way everything just meets in the center. It could not be sexier!

2. A perfectly arranged bar. Now could anything be sexier than this picture of perfection? Certainly not Blake Shelton. In fact, very little could top this.

3. Look at this box of doughnuts. They are objects of beauty. The colors, the textures, everything about them is perfect, and way sexier than Blake Shelton.

4. This circle of sneakers is a work of art! As far as sexy inanimate objects go, this arrangement is hard to beat. It almost doesn’t even look real somehow!

5. You know what’s way sexier than Blake Shelton? Color coding the apps on your iPhone. Honestly, this person’s screens are an absolute picture of perfection.

6. This perfect cube of pyrite is way more symmetrical than Blake Shelton’s face. It’s a perfect example of how objects of beauty occur more in nature than on The Voice.

7. We’ve seen a lot of sexy inanimate objects, but just look at this cheesesteak! It’s meaty, melty, and looks so delicious. No one would describe Blake Shelton like that.

8. Even a group study session can produce something sexier than Blake Shelton. Look at the way the pages all line up, creating a perfect square of knowledge. Remarkable!

9. This person pulled it off in two ways: they perfectly pulled that ice off the parking meter and pulled off making ice look sexier than Blake Shelton. Nice!

10. This beautifully squeezed lotion is the picture of perfection. Seems almost a shame to use it! At least we have photographic proof that lotion can be sexier than Blake Shelton.

11. This scoop of ice cream is literally a picture of perfection. It’s so incredibly smooth and round! Blake Shelton could only dream of being as sexy as this delicious treat.

12 Look at the arrangement of these coke bubbles. How can something so simple be so beautiful? Has anyone ever thought that about Blake Shelton? No. They haven’t.

13. Books can be objects of beauty, too. Especially when they’re so perfectly arranged on a shelf. You could easily fill these many books with things that are sexier than Blake Shelton.


14. What would you rather dig into: a pile of Blake Shelton photos, or this incredible burger platter? No need to answer. The choice is obvious (the burgers).


15. These perfect pencil shavings make you think that someone was working on something very intelligent, like not naming Blake Shelton the Sexiest Man Alive.

16. Can a tree be sexier than Blake Shelton? In this case, yes, yes it can. This tree shines brightly in the night, unlike Blake Shelton, who doesn’t shine at all.

sexier than blake sheltonimgur/Phonedojo

17. When considering sexy inanimate objects, you can’t forget about roses. This rose, in particular, is perfect, and far sexier than Blake Shelton.

18. What’s more beautiful than a perfectly clean and efficient Google data center? These servers are absolute objects of beauty, and they deliver valuable information every day.

19. Who said pizza can’t be sexy? Look at the stretch on that cheese! Makes you think about what a stretch it was to call Blake Shelton “Sexiest Man Alive.”

20. These perfectly color coordinated groceries are WAY sexier than Blake Shelton. This basket definitely won’t give you the blues, unlike the thought of someone considering Blake Shelton sexy.

21. These 98 perfect cubes of food are objects of beauty, but let’s face it: each individual one would still be so much sexier than Blake Shelton.

22. Okay, there’s no way a pile of used tires could be sexier than Blake Shelton right? Wrong! These perfectly arranged tires are so much hotter.

23. This wedding hair beats Blake Shelton by a country mile. These wonderfully arranged layers are the picture of perfection. No one would say that about Blake Shelton.

picture of perfectionimgur/ButteredCrumpetsEveryday

24. Finally, to end this list of sexy inanimate objects here is a perfect stack of fluffy, delicious pancakes. Blake Shelton is neither fluffy nor delicious. Let’s all remember that.

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