What? Where… Who… Why am I looking at this? How did I get to this point in my life? What decisions did I make that brought me here, staring deeply into this image while trying to decipher its meaning? It’s a puzzle, truly an enigma, yes, I must look deeper…
Get ready, dear reader, to pose yourself these very questions. The images you are about to see are disturbing in nature, but not in the “liveleak” way. They’re the kinds of images that make you cock your head to one side and say “huh?”.
That’s right good reader, get ready to enter the wild and weird world of 24 Absurd Pics You Can’t Turn Away From.
1. Handing down genes. This young man is truly a product of his parents, showcased ever so subtly in his thumbs. What has two thumbs and is definitely not adopted? THIS GUY!
2. Nailed it! As a man who bites his nails, I can’t tell exactly how this poor girl feels but I can certainly attempt to imagine it. You did too just now, I bet? I know, I know, really cringey.
3. Exposed. At first the thought of “what is that strange jellyfish-like creature consuming that poor woman’s hand?” pops up until one realizes what it is ACTUALLY. And even though I’m positively CERTAIN every man has had this problem, as it turns out the condom CAN’T be too small. Sorry fellas.
4. Doppelganger. At first, this picture looks normal until you realize that before this the two were STRANGERS who met that day at a wedding. No photoshop involved, just fate and its purely chaotic coincidences. Cue X-Files music.
5. The Great For-u Tree. So THAT’S where broccoli comes from! Before this I assumed it was a small cluster of flowers that are part of the cole crop family, sharing attributes with cabbage, Brussel sprouts, and cauliflower, but I guess I have egg on my face now, huh? All you need now is a giant bowl of ranch!
6. A Narcissist’s Dream. Wow, Jon and Kate really got busy after that eighth kid. Congratulations guys, that certainly is a lot of mouths to feed! If you don’t end up believing that, then what actually happened was a guy took a picture of himself on every seat on the plane and put them together. Neat!
7. Now hold on just a Cotton-Pickin Minute! At first glance, it looks like these terrible machines are mowing down a group of innocent concert-going fans. However, after a second look, the terrible machines are just mowing down groups of innocent COTTON! Phew! What a relief!
8. Baggy Feet. How nice, the only two types of things that truly appreciate bagpipes: Animals and the Scottish. And look! They’re on the most desolate continent on earth so that they won’t disturb anyone. How considerate!
9. They’re INNNNN-trusive! This is a typical Sunday afternoon for this lady, judging based on the somewhat surprised yet mostly irritated face she’s making. “Seriously Tony? Again with this? For goodness sake you startled me, now will you kindly leave I’m TRYING to talk to my mother here!”
10. Mission Accomplished! This has all the great workings of a shirt: a shark, an ex-president, two revolvers all parachuting from a plane. All it would need is some Red Bull and maybe some fire to make the most EXTREME of shirts. With some hindsight, had President Bush chosen to approach the war on terror with THIS kind of tactic I feel it would have been universally well received.
11. Get it? Cause it’s a horseshoe? A HORSE-SHOE? All hilarious puns aside, it… seems a little bit snug. Who would make this? Better yet, who would wear it? You couldn’t possibly comfortably hoof it anywhere in these!
12. Kids these days, I tell ya! I’ll give you a quick second to realize that there’s no band on her finger and… THERE YOU GO! Yeah I know, I sucked my teeth too. That’s true love and real commitment, right there.
13. Kids these days, I tell ya! Ah the early seventies, a simpler time, a more naive time and for kids, a pretty trippy time apparently. “Billy, you know your mother and I love you but because you only got a B on your science test we’re going to have to send you on a wild and terrible introspective journey into your own consciousness that will possibly destroy your young, developing mind and twist your reality forever! Oh, and no TV for a week!”
14. Nope, nope. So much nope. Apparently, these things were said to be as big as people and would eat a huge slab of beef in under five minutes. While obviously a hoax, just the thought of a “mountain rat” makes me recoil. I wonder how many more ways I can say “nope”…
15. Oh, look at the time. It’s 8:05, approximately. What, did you think I was going to say “Bean o’clock?” What kind of hack do you think I am? Don’t answer that.
16. …Art? Ah yes, this piece. Truly divine really, it’s meant to represent the duality of the human consciousness. Will the helpless side of us take control or will it be the monstrous part? That, or it’s just supposed to creep you out. Art is after all subjective.
17. Mr. Steal Your Girl. Listen, Mister, I’m not too sure what you’re on right now but there is no way I’m “banging your gar-dinkers” and I am CERTAINLY not “whamming your hoo-whunkers!”
18. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. If you think this level is going to be tough, you still have to beat his fire, earth and air stages before you can face his final form.
19. Good heads on their shoulders. In an alternate timeline where melons are the dominant species, one lonely cantaloupe is going to overcome the odds and become the world’s first non-watermelon baseball player. Watch the inspirational tale of Jackie Honeymelon this summer.
20. Hey Stega! STEGAAAA! Life was never the same for Rex after he lost out on that Jurassic World part. They wanted him to move out to California, but he didn’t want to change his life so Jurass-ticly. Still not a hack!
21. Two Hoffs are better than one. This huge prop was of course from David Hasselhoff’s most iconic on-screen role as himself in The Spongebob Squarepants Movie. Spongebob knew just as we all do that no one needs a boat when the Knight Rider is around.
22. Yeah, I get chicks. This guy is just SWIMMING in it! Just look at the deep sense of pride, utter alpha male confidence and determination in his face. If only the mean kids from High School could see him now, I bet Stacy from Home Ec wouldn’t shoot him down THIS time!
23. It’s a cop eat dog world out there on those streets. On the other hand, this would be a great new take on the Freaky Friday type movie genre. The best part is the dog’s face— either this is the first time they’ve done this and he’s confused but cool, or it’s about the fifth time and he’s fed up with his partner messing around.
24. Let’s get CRAZY tonight, ladies! There’s always one in the crew. You know “the one”— the one that screams loudly at strangers, runs away if you let them go, who drinks way too much and pees all over the sidewalk. If you don’t know which one of your friends is “the one” then it’s probably YOU.
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