Kids are the most innocent group of people on this whole wide world (second only to puppies and kittens). They can be hilarious, sweet or just plain tiny drunks at any given moment in time. There are a ton of challenges that come with parenting, like:
- Making time for your kids
- Keeping them healthy
- Raising them to be good people
But sometimes, they manage to surprise us with things that we never imagined a kid could do or say. Some parents have to deal with kids who say the darnedest things, and others not to so much. Kids can say things that have no meaning in their little heads, but to us adults who’ve lived and seen too much, it can sound dark and bone-chilling.
Thankfully, users on Reddit were able to exchange their creepy child stories and see that they’re not alone. Some of them are funny and absurd, while others sound like something straight out of a Stephen King novel. Here’s a list of the best answers from the Reddit thread titled: “Parents of Reddit, what is the creepiest thing your young child has ever said to you?”
1. This sounds like the premise to a pretty sinister horror movie: “I was with my sister, her husband, and their two year old daughter. We were talking about loved ones that had recently passed (my father had died sometime recently). My brother in law went and grabbed a picture of his mother, who had died in a car crash when he was six, to show me. When my niece saw the picture though she started laughing. We asked her what was so funny and she looked at us and said: ‘That’s my special friend who sings to me.’ I still shiver a bit just thinking about it.” – KaiserXI
2. The normal thing to do during this situation would be to call an exorcist and move out: “While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, ‘the man.’ To which I replied, ‘what man?’ She then pointed at the closet and said, ‘the man with the snake neck.’ I turn around and nothing was there. I’m afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet. At least she wasn’t scared.” – QuagmireDP
3. Hopefully this little one won’t end up on a true crime special on Netflix, but things are not looking good: “Daddy sleep’ then pushing my head underwater at the pool.” – by evillawnornament.
4. This is either sinister or hilarious, you decide: “Not to me, but to his grandmother. He was cuddling with her and being very sweet (he was about 3 at the time). He takes her face in his hands, and brings his face close to hers, then tells her that she’s very old, and will die soon. Then he makes a point of looking at the clock.” by NotTomPettysGirl.
5. Whatever you do, don’t look behind you when you’re around this kid. User ToastedCheese was putting his kid to sleep and reassured him that there was nothing under his bed. The kid replied with: “He is behind you now.” Nope, nope, nope.
6. This could just be a goofy thing, but I’m relieved the dad kept a close eye on him. “I was tucking in my two year old. He said ‘Goodbye dad.’ I said, ‘No, we say good night”. He said ‘I know. But this time it’s goodbye.’ Had to check on him a few times to make sure he was still here.’ – UnfortunateBirthMark
8. None of this is okay: “I was sound asleep, and at around 6am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughter’s face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, ‘I want to peel all your skin off.’ The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn’t know if I was dreaming, or what was going on.” – psalm_69
9. That’s it, children are cancelled until further notice: “When my cousin was 2 years old or so, her mom got pregnant again. One day she went to hug her mom’s belly and said ‘little brother sick.’ A few days later she had a miscarriage.” – JuWhi
10. If I was this person, I would have asked someone to escort me to my car that night: “When I was a waitress, I watched a little girl (4ish) stab her plastic fork into her sandwich repeatedly, saying ‘die die die die die die.’ When I asked her what she was doing (her mom was in the bathroom for a minute), she replied with a straight face, ‘I like to kill things, but mom says I shouldn’t. So I picked the ham because it can’t scream.” – RatedRx
12. This kid might have accidentally watched the entire last season of Criminal Minds: “Getting my two and a half year old daughter out of the bath one night, my wife and I were briefing her on how important it was she kept her privates clean. She casually replied “Oh, nobody ‘scroofs’ me there. They tried one night. They kicked the door in and tried but I fought back. I died and now I’m here.” She said this like it was nothing.” – utcursch
13. Someone needs to teach this little girl what social workers actually do: “My five year old adopted little sister has a game she would play, where we would pretend to go around to people’s houses and take their children. Once we rounded up enough we would eat them, violently and maliciously. This was her idea, through and through. The name of the game? Social worker.” – borkmeister
14. Is this kid the next David Blaine? You decide: “We were having roast chicken for dinner. Son (3) has lightbulb moment. Holds up chicken skin. “When we say ‘chicken skin’, is this really the skin of the chicken? Like my skin?” Next day after some Sunday nappage we play cars. I see a fresh scar on his foot. Straight line with a little dry blood. Ask the little sir about it: “I cut myself. I took a knife because I wanted to see what my meat looks like under my skin but it hurt a little so I stopped. I still don’t know.” – floatingyoghurt
16. Here we have the origins of a voyeur: “Not my child…but, my 3 yo niece told my wife to dance in the middle of the room while she hid in a closet watching through the crack in the door.” – Chester_A_Arthritis