The glorious morning sun beams through your window. You stretch, taking it all in and then you step onto the cold floor and… fall forward. Confused, you look down your legs to discover— OH NO! You’ve woken up with two left feet! Dude! Bummer!
Don’t worry, these are some examples of 24 People Whose Day Started Out On The Wrong Foot, just like you!
I mean, not in such a literal sense, but at least you can take some pleasure from other people’s pain. I think the Germans have a word for that…
1. Schadenfreude. As you lay on the ground wondering what to do about your two left feet, this gif makes you go “ooh”. See? Two left feet isn’t so bad! That’s when you wonder if you’re even going to be able to DRIVE with your newfound ailment and that makes you sad again. Darn Germans! Don’t they have a word for waking up with two left feet?
2. Wache mit zwei linken Füßen auf. You struggle to stand but after many pathetic attempts, you slump back down to the ground. Slowly, you crawl over to the doorway, attempting to escape from your dirty smelling bedroom floor to the dirty smelling floor in your hallway. Hey, cheer up! At least you didn’t break your door handle, like this— wait hold on I don’t think the handles meant to support that much weigh— oof. What’s the German word for “that sucks?”.
3. Das ist Scheiße. So now you’re stuck on the ground in your room with no way out. You could try heaving your body against the door if, you know, you could stand. “Got any other BRIGHT IDEAS, German boy?” you say to me. No, I honestly don’t but I also don’t really get myself into these situations, now do I? You’re starting to feel thirsty, so you try to grab some milk from your mini fridge and it spills all over you. Hey, maybe entry number 3 will make you feel bett- oh.
Reddit /u/ bmartin19894. Weinend über verschüttete Milch. So now you’re covered in milk, lying on your dirty milk soaked floor, still with two left feet. You stare up at the ceiling for a while… ooh actually you might be dead. Hello? Oh, okay. Still alive. That grumble didn’t sound like it would come from a cadaver. Hey pal! At least you never got a regretful tattoo… Oh. Well, look on the bright side, at least no one will ever see it there! Oops wait, forget I said that.
5. Schreckliches Tattoo. Eventually, you decide to face this thing head on or at least figure out WHY it’s happening to poor, poor, pitiful you. Slowly, you crawl to the bathroom and prop yourself onto the toilet. Hey, look at this poor loser! She walked into the boy’s bathroom! Ha ha…. Ha… Ha…. Alright listen, if you’re going to be a grumpy gus all day I can write about someone else!
6. Jungs Badezimmer. As you ready yourself for the day ahead, you manage to slither yourself into your car like a handicapped snake, only to discover that your radio has been stolen. “Oh, for goodness sake!” I write, censoring your swears, you dirty person “could this day get ANY worse?” And that’s when you realize that your wheels have been stolen too. Hey, at least it wasn’t the hood of your car!
7. Kapuze gestohlen. You manage to call a cab and as it’s on its way you realize you don’t know who to talk to about this. You guess you’ll try a doctor and then… maybe a wizard? A warlock? Some sort of necromancer? You sigh deeply and think of entry number 7. Hey, you’ve never lost a race because of premature celebration! Then again, you’ve never really won anything either…
8. Verfrüht. Jeez! Hey, at least your day isn’t as bad as THIS GUY’S! I mean, you’ve got two left feet and probably won’t be able to walk for the rest of your life, but at least you’re not on FIRE! “I’d rather be” you grumble, sounding like your ffourteen-year-oldself. Fine, be like that. Grumpy Gus.
9. Brennendes Riesenrad. Relief washes over you as the cab pulls up to your house. You explain your situation to your driver and after a quick disgusted look at your horrendous feet, he helps you into his car. As you start to pull out from the driveway, the tire hits a nail and pops. You sigh deeply as you go to look at your phone for some relief… WAIT! DON’T LOOK AT THIS PICTURE!
10. Platter Reifen. As the tow truck pulls up to fix the tire you check your watch— it’s noon. Darn, you felt so good about yourself for getting up early too! The cab driver opens the door to help you out and SPLAT! You go face first into the pavement. At this point, you’re not even surprised.
11. Gesichtsklatscher. The highway speeds by you as you remain quiet and bloody in the back of the cab. Occasionally, the cabbie will attempt to speak to you, but you just grunt in response. Suddenly, a car cuts your cab off, sending you flying into the other side and smashing your head against the window. Wait a minute, isn’t that the car of the person your significant other cheated on you with? Oh, was that a bad time to mention that?
12. Fremdgänger. As you’re driving, your cab suddenly breaks down. You’re really fuming now, ranting about how terrible your day is going on how maybe, just maybe, you could get a break in your miserable life! “Hey!” says the cab driver “listen, all I have in this world is my cab and I’m happy! You have to look on the bright side, friend!” On “friend” an overhead bridge comes crashing down and destroys the man’s cab. Bummer, but at least I didn’t happen to YOU. That’s when you realize you forgot your phone in the cab. Uh… Double bummer.
Reddit /u/ ThyIamFoxiety13. Verkehrsinfrastruktur. By some divine miracle, you somehow make it to the closest hospital. Unfortunately for you, the nurse explains you’ll have to wait for at LEAST an hour. You try to explain that you’re a marvel to medical science, but she just says: “So is everyone else”. You’re sitting arms crossed in the waiting room, when someone’s nearby baby throws up all over you. The mother shrugs her tired shoulders and you sigh deeply. What a day.
14. Kotze. The doctor stares at you for a long time. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh-kay. And you say you just WOKE UP like this?” he asks. “That’s the jist of it, doc” you reply, remain as cool as possible. “Uh huh”, he starts “and the puke? And the milk? And the two head wounds?” you sigh deeply and reply: “one thing at a time, alright?”. The doctor nods skeptically and turns to his computer, but breaks his mouse by accident. “Oh my god, this DAY, am I right?” he says to his puke covered, bleeding, two left footed patient.
15. Mauszeiger. “Welp” says the doctor after a while “I’ve come to a conclusion”. You perk up, but the doctor shakes his head. “I have no idea what to do. I don’t know if this has ever happened in the history of people. Here” the doctor pulls out a card “here is a card to a local evil Vizier. He should be able to help with this apparent curse”. As you go to leave, a basketball hits you in your head. “THAT’S where I put that! Now if only my shoe would come down too!” says the doctor.
16. Korbball. Before you leave in your hospital appointed crutches, you realize you haven’t eaten all day. You go over to the closest vending machine and put in your money, only to get your treat stuck. You try again and low and behold, it happens once again. You sigh and go for another dollar, but there’s nothing left. In pure primal frustration, you slam against the vending machine’s glass. “HEY” yells a security guard from down the hall “CUT THAT OUT! YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK IT!”. You almost burst into tears, but manage to keep it together.
Reddit /u/ Sassy_lab_rat17. Automat. As you hop from the hospital out on to the street, you realize what a beautiful day it’s become. From the gloomy morning, a beautiful sunny day has risen. You breathe in deeply taking in the majesty of the world, just as a car splashes a bunch of mud onto you. You REALLY wish you weren’t breathing so deeply when that happened.
18. Schlamm. Slowly, you propel yourself down towards the Vizier’s grand palace of evil. Soon, you find that the place was in fact next to your house, which probably has something to do with the feet. You take a… um… “step” towards the place and a pipe breaks above you, causing a torrent of water comes down onto your head. At first, you’re happy the mud, blood and milk is being cleaned off, until you realize it was a sewage pipe…
19. hinweggeschwemmte Brücke. BANG BANG BANG! You knock loudly on the Vizier’s grand door. Slowly, it creaks open and there stands a large imposing man, with a long black goatee, a staff that looks like a cobra and a parrot on his shoulder. He looks delighted to see you and hurries you inside. He stares down at your two left feet and goes: “gee, I can’t believe it worked!”. You’re starting to get mad: “so it is YOU behind this!”. The Vizier looks surprised: “I mean, of course! Who else could’ve done this in this city?”. You roll your eyes and say: “Well, I need you to turn me back, now!” The Vizier shakes his head and throws a crab at your face. “Oh no, I have much BIGGER plans for you…”
20. Tintenfisch. As you fight with the crab, you hear the Vizier leave and come back again. Eventually, you rip the pointy pincers from your face and proclaim: “okay, Vizier”, but it’s too late. The Vizier throws some fireworks at your two left feet and starts to cackle. You’re pretty sure you hear the parrot tell a dirty joke, but you can’t hear anything cause of the DARN EXPLOSIVES!
21. Feuerwerkskörper. “Dance monkey, DANCE!” the Vizier laughs as he throws more and more fireworks at your feet. With much difficulty, you manage to dodge the majority of them with only a couple giving you some serious burns. Eventually, he runs out of fireworks so he starts to throw eggs at you, because why not?
Reddit /u/ Scaulbyausis22. Eier. After a while, the Vizier runs out of eggs. You lie on the ground, finally able to stand in peace. You stare at the Vizier with a dejected “you done?” kind of look and he outstretches a soda. “Here” he says “as a peace offering”. Of course, it’s all shaken up and goes in your face.
23. Brause. You’re covered in milk, puke, blood, sewage, egg, octopus goop and now soda. All you can feel is a general stickiness. All you can smell and taste is a mixture of feces and… octopus goop, surprisingly. All you can hear are the Vizier’s cackles. But all you can see is red. You’ve had enough, this is where you finally put your foot down and tell the universe NO MORE. You snatch the Vizier’s cobra staff from his hands and he gives you a look of utter horror. The wisecracking parrot tries to fly away, but you light it on fire with one swoosh of your staff! NO! HE WAS A NATIONAL TREASURE!
24. hitziges Gemüt. “Listen” says the Vizier, laughing nervously “we don’t need to do anything CRAZY here, come on! I was only foolin’, honest!” But it’s too late for apologies. With a mighty lunge, you raise your staff and… KNOCK OVER THE DOMINOES THE VIZIER WAS SETTING UP!
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