Despite what the romantics of the world would like to believe, many relationships end up having expiry dates. Whether the relationship ended on a good note or a bad one, there’s undeniable emotional baggage that comes with sending someone you once considered a significant other back into the wild. Everyone has their own way of moving on, but not everyone does so without harbouring a little bit of resentment.
Since social media began taking over our lives, cryptic statuses and tweets have been an effective way for many to vent about their past lover without having to resort to Fatal Attraction-like tendencies. However, not everyone is as enigmatic with their social media expression, some people lay it all out for the world to see.
Here are 24 hilarious tweets about exes that anyone who still holds a grudge will be able to relate to.
1. A breakup can turn you into a bit of a broken record conversation-wise when it comes to your immediate friend group, but once they stop listening, who will? You can either overcome heartbreak through a creative outlet and hope to become Adele or you can drive away everyone you know. The latter is often the easier option.
2. You’d think that once the relationship ends that the games would have their closing ceremony as well, but for some people, they’ve only just begun. Chances are that if you receive what appears to be a kind gesture from an ex, it’s most likely laced with some ulterior mind game.
3. Most of us try and exit a relationship while still retaining a level of mutual respect. However, if you’ve really done a number on someone, you can almost guarantee that you’ve become a synonym for absolutely anything negative in their life from here on out. This ex-girlfriend’s ears are probably not burning, they’re scorching.
4. The classic musical Grease may be a bit of a feminist nightmare in some regards, but anyone who has been through a rough breakup has probably considered channelling their seductive evil twin with their look in the chance they run into their ex. We can criticize Sandy, but are any of us really that much better?
5. Sometimes it can feel like your exes all come crawling back simultaneously, which can make you wonder if it’s all somehow organized. It’s a flattering idea that a support group of people who can’t get over you would form itself, but exes teaming up probably would not have the most ideal outcome.
6. It doesn’t matter if you’re over your ex or not, if you run into them, you want to make damn sure that that minuscule interaction somehow still conveys that you’re much better off without them and that your life might as well be a perfume commercial. It may be petty, but for most of us, it’s instinctual.
7. It’s not always a perfume commercial, more grandeur gestures that sting the most from exes. Sometimes it’s the little things like liking an inappropriate post that makes you question every possible motive behind the click. There’s no denying that Sharon knew exactly what she was doing when she slapped a heart on that tweet.
8. Funny how you can go from fantasizing about someone in a positive light to taking joy in the thought of them meeting their demise in a gorilla pit. Not everyone feels this way about their ex, but some of the more unfaithful few have certainly made people do a complete 180 with their emotions.
9. Stalking your ex on social media is one dangerous game. You hope to scroll through their feed and see them downward spiralling in a desperate state of singledom, maybe throw in a few lyric-based statuses about missing you. However, when it swings the other way, you can replace the soda in that girl’s hand for something much harder.
10. Don’t let romantic comedies fool you into thinking that someone is going to be standing outside your bedroom window with a boom box or chasing you to the airport. This girl’s experience with a drunken ex is about as close as it gets to the romance of the silver screen.
11. No matter how much you despise your ex, there’s no denying that the level of intimacy once shared will give either side some sort of leverage. Scornfully spitting into someone’s drink doesn’t really have the same impact when you’ve spent a good amount of time willingly swapping spit or, in this case, something more “affectionate.”
12. You would think that breaking up with someone would solve problems rather than create more, but each failed relationship tends to embed some personal demons for both parties. You can take the high road and not talk down your ex, but that road is definitely not as satisfying to travel.
13. Mindy is probably (hopefully) exaggerating here, but is stalking every form of your ex’s social media really any better? It’s truly scary how someone can else make you become someone else entirely. It can be a slippery slope when a breakup goes awry, but just remember to try and keep your distance.
14. You would be surprised just how morbid your sense of humour can become after your heart has been torn in two. There was a time when Bryan probably thought the world of Sandra, but now that they have gone their separate ways, he would like to see her also go in separate ways.
15. Sometimes a bad breakup can end up making you feel bad about yourself, but sometimes you can end up coming out with more confidence than you had to go in. You really do not have to worry about your ex finding someone better than you when you already think you’re the best.
16. Deleting your ex’s phone number is pretty pointless if you’ve already made the effort to memorize it by heart. The only thing you can really hope for in that case is that they either change it and block you or the technology in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind becomes readily available.
17. The only thing worse than a burn from an ex is one that was stolen from a movie about Facebook. If you can’t even find an original simile for your failed relationship, maybe you should consider the option that you are the reason the relationship failed. Matilda isn’t putting up with it and neither should anyone else.
18. Even if you aren’t represented in the most glowing of ways, if an ex is going to use you as a source of inspiration for any sort of creative project, you’re going to want to see it. Unfortunately, avoiding contact with that person while still trying to stay in the loop is one tricky line to walk.
19. In this day and age, exes are truly a difficult thing to escape. If it isn’t them crawling back into your life, it’s some weird reminder of them like a random relative still trying to keep tabs. Hey, on the bright side, at least someone is still interested in you.
20. There are a lot of things that can really seal the deal when it comes to the end of a relationship. Whether it’s being blocked on every form of social media, a number change, or restraining order, nothing cuts as deeply as them changing the password to the Netflix account you once shared.
21. If a good relationship ends on a good note, you can wish your ex-significant other all of the best, but that doesn’t mean that you ever need to if those wishes are followed through. No matter how over someone you think you are, there will always be a way for them to get under your skin.
22. No matter how big the city you’re living in is, fate has a cruel way of making you run into the most inappropriate people at the most inappropriate times. At least if you escape somewhere new or there’s something going on that makes them collectively escape, you know you have a fleeting moment of freedom.
23. It’s almost as if a bad breakup turns you into the host of a roast that’s solely dedicated to your ex. Somehow absolutely every opportunity for a mean-spirited jab at your former lover will possess your brain, whether you decide to keep it to yourself or share it on social media is up to you.
24. It’s incredibly unfortunate that, when you break up with someone, the dates that you were adamant about memorizing are now dates you can’t get out of your head. At least an ex’s birth date coinciding with the expiry date of a carton of milk both share the same bleak association.