A Colorado jogger with the runs has been terrorizing a local family’s lawn. The mystery woman, dubbed “The Mad Pooper” has been defecating on the lawn for the past seven weeks.
Cathy Budde first caught the jogger making chocolate pudding when her children casually mentioned it to her. “They are like, ‘There’s a lady taking a poop!’ So I come outside, and I’m like … ‘are you serious?'” Budde said to KKTV 11. “‘Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids!?’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, sorry!'”
Since then, Budde has caught the mystery woman at work three times, and frequently finds her leavings and her soiled napkins on the lawn. She’s even put up a sign outside her house saying, “I’m begging you, please stop,” but the jogger hasn’t given a … well, you know. She still defecates in the yard once a week, like clockwork. And Budde is frustrated and exhausted.
It’s unlikely that the runner is motivated simply by the call of nature.
The nearby John Venezia Community Park boasts a lovely porta-potty, and there’s also a fully-equipped gas station nearby.
What’s more, the jogger has been distributing her dung in many other places, including other people’s backyards and outside a Walgreens. Apparently, the whole neighborhood’s gone down the drain.
Since the attacks started, Budde has turned to police in an attempt to flush out the party pooper.
Currently, the police remain as confused as Budde, and they’ve called on Budde and her neighbors to take pictures to help identify the bowel bandit.
“It’s abnormal, it’s not something I’ve seen in my career,” Sgt. Johnathan Sharketti told reporters. “For someone to repeatedly do such a thing … it’s uncharted territory for me.”
Although the fecal felon has attracted much local amusement, she’s also courting trouble. If caught, she faces indecent exposure and public defecation charges.
But, until they find the perp, she remains enemy number one … or, perhaps, enemy number two.
