Death is an inevitable part of life but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. Whether it be a pet or a loved one, death is something that most people fear. Whether it is the fear of the unknown or the fear of leaving the world behind, death is something that most people cannot come to terms with despite knowing that it is a part of life.
And things get tougher when it is the passing of a mother.
A writer decided to take to her blog in order to showcase the three things that she learned after her mother passed away.
She wrote: ‘my mother died from ovarian cancer when I was a young child.’
‘I’m in my late 30s now, and I’m still navigating this loss as I move through life. I’ve lived most of my life without my mother at this point, but I still miss her.’
The first thing she explained was that the feeling of grief is not linear. It doesn’t peak immediately after a death and slowly dissipates away. In fact, it may never dissipate away.
‘It’s natural to grieve, but we all grieve differently. Grief shows up in anger, sorrow, guilt, fear, and sometimes peace. It is unpredictable and, at times, exhausting.’
She said that following her mother’s death, she cried a lot. She cried at her funeral and also at the school choir. But in the years that followed she didn’t cry as much.
‘Then sadness hit me like a ton of bricks one day when I was in my early 20s.’
‘A compassionate friend asked me about Mam, and as I hadn’t spoken about her to anyone outside the family, I broke down. It was a good release. The years have brought many stages of grieving.’
She went on to explain how days, such as Mother’s Day or the day when she picked out her wedding dress, are some of the toughest days for her to endure.
‘My grieving stems from having loved so deeply. I have learned to tune into the emotions I’m feeling and to acknowledge the love, the pain, and the loss.’
The second thing she learned was that there are no replacements. No one is going to replace your mother but she learned to cope with this feeling by looking for certain qualities.
‘I look for warmth, a radiance, compassion and kindness that Mam had. I look for humour, a voice of sense, and strength of character.’
She continued: ‘these are traits that my mother had. I find some of them in others. But it’s never the same. There’ll never be another Mam. She’s irreplaceable on so many levels.’
The third thing she learned was that there were other people there for her. Whether it was her father, her cousins, her friends or her extended family, they were all there for her during her grieving process and the subsequent years after the death of her mother.
She said that there were other people out there who loved her and also other people who required her love.
‘Our world is so big and yet so small now in this age of technology. We can reach out to others across continents.’
‘Our mothers were the first to show us the true meaning of love. In honour of our mothers, let’s spread that love wherever we can.’