You can learn about your personality by soul-searching and personal discipline, or you can listen to some random unqualified stranger on the Internet. Which one sounds like more fun?
If you chose the second one, you’re in luck, because this “scientific” “quiz” will use your sofa sitting style to peer into your innermost secrets. Or, at least, the secrets of your mysterious back problems.
To see what your sofa sitting position “tells you” about your personality, read on!
1. The “Twisted Sitter”: You enjoy crosswords and going to bed early. You definitely think that “learning about your personality by soul-searching and personal discipline” sounds like fun. You weirdo.
2. The “Forlorn Fan”: You are 60% more likely to be staring at the TV with a clenched jaw in the vain hope that your team will be able to even up the score and make it into the running for the playoffs, but you know deep in your heart that your hopes will be dashed this time, as always, and you will silently slip into bed next to your spouse and think about how they never really understood your passions.
3. The “Faux Lotus”: You won’t stop talking about the trip you took to India three years ago and how “totally enlightened” it made you. You also know way too much about quinoa.
4. The “Manspread”: No one on your bus route likes you.
5. The “Wise Guru”: Yes, we know that it’s wild that Goofy owned Pluto even though they were both dogs. Yes, we think it’s far out that we all, like, have hands and stuff. No, we’re still not giving you your car keys back tonight.
6. The “I’m-not-disappointed-in-my-daughter’s-boyfriend-even-though-he-wore-a-shirt-with-a-weed-leaf-on-it-to-meet-me”: You totally don’t think your Honors Student daughter could do way better, even though he greeted you with “Sup, bro” and didn’t eat any of your wife’s cooking. Honestly, you’re really happy for her, aren’t we both, Cheryl?
7. The “Housebound Hermit”: You feel naked without your phone in front of you, you only know how to communicate in emojis, and you have at least ten tabs open on your browser at any given time. Somewhere, your chiropractor is crying.
8. The “Overscheduled”: No, coffee does not count as sleep, a meal, or “mental health time.”
9. The “Rebel Without A Cause”: You like to “shake things up” at work by promoting an “innovative” open seating plan and standing desks without tackling any of the real causes of your deep-seated ennui. You definitely invested in bitcoin.
10. The “Mid-Winter Depression Nap”: Oh, god, you weren’t meaning to fall asleep! You just wanted to close your eyes for a moment, and now it’s 4:45 pm and pitch black outside and your whole Saturday’s gone.
11. The “Raptor”: You are not actually a human. You are a large, perching bird of prey. How are you even reading this right now?
12. The “Bellyflop”: You are going to die alone.