Ever won the lottery? No? Found a four leaf clover? No again? What about gotten struck by lightning, only to discover the sudden surge of electricity gave you superpowers and now must decide whether to use them for good or evil?
No??? Darn, I was certain I’d get you with that last one. Anyways, you clearly are not as lucky as these people or at least the universe doesn’t like you as much as them.
These are the 24 People Who Have The Universe On Their Side.
1. I wonder where that fish did go… This incident was the result of a man’s cat knocking over his daughter’s fish bowl. Now only one question remains: who’s luckier, the man or the fish? Seeing as one avoided an awkward talk with his daughter and the other avoided death I think it may be the latter… then again, it’ll probably forget it’s luck as soon as the dad puts it back. That’s another issue with this little spill — what does he do next?
2. No, but it is a coinkydink. I hear that during comas, the brain will desperately try to get it’s host to WAKE UP by putting subliminal messages in their coma dream. I wonder if the poster’s brain is trying to WAKE them UP to some fact, perhaps he forgot to go to a WAKE or the fact they liked the movie UP.
3. Not today, nature! I hear the new Tesla Tardis comes with brand new auto-steering, Sirius satellite radio support and the ability to bend time and space around you! Tesla breaks new grounds in the field of safety with it’s new forcefield technology, making awkward calls to the insurance company a thing of the past!
4. Lawbreaking is for the birds! This picture was taken at a speed trap where at the last moment this traffic violator was saved by his avian friend. After some research, we have discovered the bird in fact does have ties to enemies of the state. A drone strike on the bird’s nest is imminent, but until then the feathery fiend will remain at the top of the FBI’s most wanted list. Try the use of sunflower seeds for it’s capture.
5. Such a supple wrist… For those of us who have played pinball, this is an achievement I personally have never seen in real life. This is a truly momentous occasion for pinball players worldwide, whether you’re an arcade person or just someone who plays Galaxy pinball, this is certainly the hayley’s comet of the game. Lucky guy.
6. Oh, Canada! Gee, how many four leaf clovers and rabbits feet did this couple have to harvest before this incredible feat? I bet they get struck by lightning and attacked by sharks all the time too, the lucky people. They’re Canadian too, so they probably spent it all on hockey tickets and Tim Hortons. Then again, they’d probably win a bunch of stuff during “roll up the rim” too.
7. Lott-o Luck! I think the most infuriating part about this isn’t the fact that this girl got all 1$ wins, but the fact that every single time I get a crossword lottery ticket I’m lucky to even get ONE word! An X??? I have no X-Ray, or Xylophone, why in god’s name would I need an X? Why would they even put X there if it wasn’t to drive us completely raving mad?
8. Free vasectomies! Good god that was almost incredibly disastrous… but remember what your mother always told you to do? Wear a helmet! Doesn’t seem so uncool now, does it? She DID forget to mention the jock strap though, so I guess we’ll call it even.
9. Yes, do you serve tail-eating snakes? Other possible names for the restaurant were: rats live on no evil star, a man a plan a canal Panama and Racecar. Ouroboros was also considered, but they couldn’t figure out a way to make it work once the sign went out.
10. Six Feet of Fun! Believe it or not, I used to be a very chubby little boy when I was younger and one of my greatest fantasties was getting two of my favourite snacks. This poster better be thanking their lucky stars, there are tubby kids all over the world who would burst into tears at the sight of this.
11. Them there duke boys, at it again! And now for round two of “choose your own punchline” with winner of the “greatest writer in history” award at the yearly GAG ceremony: 1. The remake of Free Willy is going in a much different direction than I initially thought, 2. Looks like Stewie and Brian are practicing their comedy crashes again and 3. “We’re flying E.T! We’re flying!”
12. Not so safe! The real mind-blower behind this wasn’t the fact that they found a mysterious safe behind a fake socket, but what they found inside. There they found as message saying that on the back of the Declaration of Independence was a map to a certain… treasure. A treasure that’s belonged to the country for milenia and not just any country but a specific country. A… specific treasure? A country treasure? I’m sure there’s a more roundabout way of saying it, but you get my point.
13. They’re after me… What could that be? An eraser? A long piece of mulch? No, it’s something a lot tastier… So what, some weird European candy or something? Wrong again dear reader, that is in fact a Lucky Charms marshmallow. Oh yes, I too can hear my eight year old self’s mouth start to water. Sorry, that last sentence had a typo in it, I meant to say “eighteen”.
14. Thor strikes again! That’s not even the most amazing part of the photo, either! He also took the picture while checking his winning lottery ticket, having the same birthday as the two other guys next to him, leading the Cleveland Browns to a Superbowl and looking at the blue moon in a frozen-over Christian underworld. Strange coincidence, huh?
15. Bro, that was sick! Too bad for him, but according to the fraternity’s law that was actually what they call a “Triple Reverso”. That’s three cups for them and a balls back also you’re not allowed to defend. Sorry man, HOUSE RULES!
16. Interesting read, friend. The bird then became self aware, now knowing all the secrets humans knew about him. Little did they know he had some secrets that birds keep to themselves… and that’s how Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds started.
17. It never fails. “Okay coin, heads I text her to say how I feel and tails I don’t…. Okay, that was a practice round, flip again…. Okay again… Haha alright Siri, flip again… Again. AGAIN! Darn it Siri, what are you trying to tell me???”
18. From DOWN-TOWN… Oh, so Coach Carter, Space Jam and Like Mike get their own movies but this poor girl gets squat? As far as I’m concerned, the ranking goes like this: Jordan, Lebron, Kobe, A.I then this girl from High School. Try to convince me otherwise, I dare you!
19. Luck of the Fryrish. Too bad, if it only had two more cloves he could’ve pulled off the septuple head spin. That’s if his mean older brother Yancy doesn’t steal it first. Quick, he’s gotta hide it in a copy of The Breakfast Club Soundtrack so he can come back for it in 1000 years!
20. Men in tights. That dastardly Robin Hood, stealing from the king’s pocket and giving to the poor. Doesn’t he know that the kingdom needs the money to feed lepers, for merciful beheadings and Christmas?!? Also remember kids, it doesn’t count unless you lick the fletching! Hopefully this poster’s British accent is authentic, too.
21. Easiest hunt ever! After days of trekking through the cold Canadian wilderness, Jim watched as a bird just flew into his hunting partner’s hand. “Gee, that’s the fifth time this week! Guess not all of us can have this much luck, huh Jim?” he chortled as Jim slowly raised his 12 gauge, eyes burning with frustration…
22. I think I’ll have myself a beer! Up here in Canada we get these kinds of things all the time, from extra prize beers to T-Shirts to, occasionally, a portable charger. Then again, I hear in the states it’s 18$ for a 30 pack whereas here, it’s 40$ for a 24. You take the good with the bad, I guess.
23. Recovered! Oh sure, they can do this but the Steelers can’t come back from a ten point deficit against the Jags? You guys were walking down the field at the end of that game, don’t deny it! We totally could’ve taken the Eagles too… Hey what’s this kicker’s name? I think I have a pick for the 2018 draft… (the author would like it to be known that even though he gives them a hard time, he still loves the Pittsburgh Steelers with the entirety of his blackened, shriveled heart).
24. More like NAWS. As the sequels and remakes started to pile up, Bruce the shark started to lose his sight and edge in his old age. As a result, he left the summer blockbuster scene to do more refined work. See him this summer in “Swimming with Sharks 2: Electric Boogaloo” starring himself and returning star Kevin Spa- oops, I mean Christopher Plummer. Wow, that was fast!
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