They say you should never ‘burn any bridges when it comes to your friends and colleagues, but why can’t we help but do it anyway? The unfortunate reality is that sometimes we are surrounded by toxic people.
These people have a way of infecting our lives in ways that are usually considered negative, degrading, or downright harmful to us. A person might be our best friend, but in the blink of an eye they turn out to be not so good for us. We all have our reasons for needing to cut toxic people out of our lives, but the biggest reason should always be one of personal protection.
To lead a happy, positive life, we need to consider cutting out people in our life that drag us down with their negativity, pessimism, and greed. It’s a fact of life that friends come and go in our lives. Some stick around for a great deal of time, while others are but a fleeting memory on our journey through life.
What reasons then, do people have for not talking to their closest friends anymore? The following 20+ people took to Reddit to discuss why they no longer talk to their best friend anymore, perhaps shedding some light on how toxic people can make an entrance (and exit) in our lives.
1) The Maid Of Honor: She was the maid of honour at my wedding. After the wedding, I would try and make plans with her for lunch or what have you, but she’d always cancel on me the day of. She’d never give me a reason as to why, just usually saying “oh I forgot, I can’t” or “some other time.” After a while, I realized I was the only one putting in any effort so I stopped trying to talk to her. I realize if she wants to do something she’d get ahold of me. I got married in July, and since the wedding, I haven’t seen or heard from her since. (Reddit user: effincourtney)
2) High School Diss: My best friend in high school got accepted into college a good 6 months before me. (This is common in my country.) When she got to college she just stopped talking to me altogether. When I finally got accepted to college she decided it was too shameful to talk to someone 6 months behind her. Meanwhile, he’d still hang out with our other friends from high school. I haven’t spoken to her since. (Reddit user: photomotto)
3) Other Moms: My best friend had a baby. One day while we were out having lunch she told me “you know, I only want to hang out with other moms from now on.” I didn’t really take the hint from her at first, but she ignored all my texts and emails for a few months. Then I realized what she was trying to tell me back there. (Reddit user: deleted)
4) Coming Out: After high school when I entered university, I had a lot of friends who were Catholic (myself included.) We would always hang out, go bowling, watch movies, go to the pub, and have parties, it was a great time. Except for one problem. I was a closeted gay man. I decided that I had to stop lying to myself, and although I couldn’t reconcile some problems I had with Catholicism, I was happy knowing that I could finally be myself. When I came out of the closet, I had extreme backlash from all my friends, who were “accepting” on the surface, but I stopped getting invited to events and parties. Eventually, one friend said that my “sinning” as a gay man was similar to that of a ‘pedophile’ in that we have uncontrollable unnatural urges. Even after I explained that homosexuality is as natural as the animal kingdom, they wouldn’t listen to me. Apparently being gay also means being a creep to them. Oh well. I’m far better off now than I ever was before. (Reddit user: deleted)
5) My Son Died: I lost my best friends when my son died. Instead of being supportive like most normal human beings, they harassed me to go out drinking at the bar 24 hours after I buried my son. Told me I “needed to get out of the house” and such. I just buried my baby boy in the ground, you idiots. You can come over and watch TV with me even. Just support me. No one came. No one called. I was called a [expletive] for shooting down going to the bar. The four women I knew my whole life bailed on me when I needed them most. I suppose I’m better off without them, and you learn of people’s true colours when you go through a tragedy. It just sucks. (GrotskyBiotch86)
6) The Filler Friend: I just realized one day that I was the only one giving it my all in our friendship. She didn’t care and I didn’t bother anymore. After a while, it seemed like I was a sort of filler friend for her. The worst part was that she would laugh along if someone else teased me about something. I decided to stop trying. Sometimes I miss the old days, but I needed to make a better life for myself. (Reddit user: teehee)
7) The One-Upper: My previous best friend is one of the most toxic people I know. She was always trying to one-up me, compared us side by side, making her feel better about herself, and her appearance, and always leaving me by the wayside for her other “best friends.” She’d always tell these people my personal stuff that I asked her to keep a secret. The list goes on and on. Finally, I had enough. (Reddit user: fu_kerry)
8) The Draining Friend: Being around my friend was draining. She was so toxic, and she would never stop complaining about everything. She was severely self-deprecating, refused to seek any kind of help and turned down my help countless times. Eventually, I told her that if she refused to seek help for her problems, then I couldn’t be the friend to her that she wanted anymore. Eventually, she confessed that she just wanted to live on welfare and be with her parents for the rest of her life. I couldn’t be a part of that anymore so I had to stop talking to her. (Reddit user: Lost-Paperclip)
9) They Got A Boyfriend: My best friend dropped me the first sign that she had a boyfriend. She also is incredibly immature, had several ‘mistakes’ with a few of her boyfriends, had to borrow money for them and never paid me back. Has a new boyfriend almost every week. Calls herself a “princess’ and ‘a brat’ at 30 years old. I don’t need that in my life. I want a friend on a mutual maturity level with morals and their own damn money. (Reddit user: LemonAppleRaspberry)
10) She Ghosted: My best friend ghosted on me. We were best friends since 3rd grade, and I realize she’s probably one of those toxic people so it’s probably for the best, but I still wonder what could have happened to cause it. I try to remind myself that she caused drama for me, and was always really passive-aggressive with me. I don’t need that back in my life, but sometimes I do miss all the great times we had together. (Reddit user: Barbarella)
11) She Never Told Me: I had a best friend at University. We used to do plays together with our local theatre company. For whatever reason, she decided not to tell me that she was leaving to go work in Florida permanently, and just left. I understand that she probably thought it was easier that way, but I thought she was a real jerk to think I didn’t deserve an explanation. I found out after the fact through a Facebook invitation to a “goodbye party” … I was like “Goodbye? Where are you going?” All in all, that’s the last time we spoke, and I’m sad to say I still think about her. Oh well. (Reddit user: deleted)
12) The Glass Door: My best friend was chasing my dog around the house. My dog ran behind a curtain across the patio door, and I guess my friend thought the door was open, so he slammed into the glass and fell backward. He was slumped over a chair and after 10 minutes he got up, left and never spoke with me again after that. I don’t understand it either. (Reddit user: Raid33)
13) The Affair: My best friend at the time ended up having an affair with the long-term partner of another close friend. He told me and I was forced to keep his secret while the two of them did God knows what behind this other guy’s back while he worked to cover their living costs. I tried to convince my friend to tell the truth but he wouldn’t. I couldn’t bear it any longer when he redirected his anger at me after this ridiculous argument between him and the girl. I was sick of dealing with it so I told the boyfriend, and everything blew up. Fast forward 5 years everything is fine now, but now I’m not part of that group of friends anymore. (Reddit user Thoughtnight)
14) Toxic Group: I was part of a “prayer” group in University. This was back when I was religious at the time. This “prayer” group ended up becoming some of my closest and best friends. Soon after, I found out that they had been meeting behind my back to “pray for my sins” and that this entire group befriended me because they didn’t like that I was a lesbian and were secretly trying to convert me. None of them actually wanted to be my friend. They were doing what their pastor instructed. These were the worst, most toxic people I ever met in my life, so I did a testimony in front of their whole church about how awful they were and walked out. I haven’t spoken or seen any of them since. Good riddance. (Reddit user: deleted)
15) Day-To-Day Friend: My story is kind of different and unique. I’ve always been a terrible day-to-day friend, but I’m a great friend-in-need. If you need help moving, or if your car breaks down, or you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m there in a heartbeat. But if you’re calling to make small talk and just ‘hang out’ well I’m not really sure how to do that. I always feel like I have to earn my keep. I’ve had friends drop out of my life entirely because of this, but occasionally I’ll get a call for help and I always answer. (Reddit user: BurntUmberit)
16) Drugs: I lost my best friend in a battle with their drug addiction. I watched how they ruined their lives with each needle or each hit of whatever came their way. Despite my best efforts I could not convince them to seek help. They were very upset, but at the end of the day, I had to cut them out of my life. It still hurts, and I still love and worry about that friend. However, I haven’t spoken to them in almost 7 years. I hope they’re alright. (Reddit user: H0peFul_Landry)
17) the Changed States: My best friend moved to another state and she didn’t make an effort to keep in touch or visit. I flew up to see her twice in the past 12 months and tried keeping in contact online. She got engaged earlier this year and I went to visit for her birthday. I left brokenhearted because she told me that I was no longer her best friend. After a last-ditch attempt to stay in contact through Skype, she cut me out of her life completely with no explanation. I haven’t spoken to her for over a year now. (Reddit user: Museo)
18) The Cult: He was my best man at my wedding, and I was the best man at his. We no longer talk to each other, because I chose to leave the cult we were both involved in. I finally was able to break free of the chains of my ridiculous blind faith and he was unfortunately not able to. He is conditioned to think non-cult members are satan’s tools. (Reddit user: The_Finglonger)
19) My Friend The Toxic Avenger: My previous toxic friend enjoyed belittling me whenever we argued over something. She would also put the details of these arguments on her Facebook page, and always twisted it to make me look like I was 100% at fault, painting herself the victim. She did this to everyone, and probably still does. The last straw for me was insulting my Fiancee. We both blocked her online and found out via a friend that she made it public as she always does, but then we started to receive threats from her. This confirmed we made the right decision in kicking this toxic avenger out of our lives. (Reddit user: VelvetMermaid)
20) No One Else: I realized that I only talked to him because I had no one else to talk to. I realize that might seem silly now, but at the time he was the only one I could talk with. However, he never cared about what I had to say. He started bullying me and making me feel terrible. I ended that “Friendship” and moved schools. I met a new group of friends and haven’t looked back since. (Reddit user: AttonRand1)
21) Rejection Is Hard: I had a friend who was rejected by a girl and he suddenly became very depressed and shut-in. All of us in our friend’s group tried our best to support him but he never wanted to go out or have any relationship with our group of friends. With time, things became cold and distant and we didn’t speak to each other anymore. He’s 27 and living with his parents. It’s sad but I got tired of trying to drag him out of his hole. (Reddit user: tirabolos)
22) The Vegan Bride: I was supposed to be the best man at my best friend’s wedding. However, his “wife” is an insufferable, horrible, toxic, crazy, psychotic vegan. I made a single joke about vegans (you know, the one about how all vegans need to tell you that they’re vegan) and she instantly took a disliking me. I also learned that they were intentionally starving two new kittens on their own made-up vegan ‘cat’ diet, and I tried to explain to them that cats need to eat meat to survive. They told me eating meat was unnatural and it was such an irrational conversation I couldn’t handle it so I left. A week later, my buddy calls me up and demands that I apologize to his future wife and that if I wanted to stay friends with them I had to write her an apology letter for my joke. I did apologize, but things weren’t the same after that. This crazy woman absolutely warped my friend, telling him I was untrustworthy, that I hated all living creatures (because I like steak apparently) and that I had no respect for anyone. I stopped talking to them, told them I was no longer comfortable standing up in their wedding and I haven’t spoken to them since. But this steak certainly is delicious. (Reddit user: Go-To-Hell-Elizabeth)
23) The Party Girl: My ex-best friend is the worst toxic person ever and an eternal party girl. She never grew up and now we can’t connect over anything. She still runs around with young 20somethings and gets trashed every weekend like we’re still in college. I met up with her for lunch a few years ago and she showed up late, hungover and wearing the same outfit she partied in the night before which smelled like booze, BO, and weed. That was the last time I spoke with her. (Reddit user: imnotacrazyperson.)
24) Moving Away Makes You Less Relevant: I had a bunch of close film friends that I would watch and make movies with in my hometown. Things were great. Then I got an opportunity to move to a bigger city a few hours away to pursue my own film career. At first, they were supportive, then after a month, they stopped talking to me altogether. I tried my best to stay in touch and then when I found out they had a new person to make movies with who had zero experience, I was heartbroken. I tried to mend things, but they didn’t seem interested. Since then, all my friends from my hometown have stopped speaking to me. I can only assume they all sat around and decided I was scum for whatever reason. I guess moving away makes you no longer relevant. (Reddit user: deleted)