For those interested in ending their week with a little Friday-afternoon cringe, here are 14 blind date horror stories from Reddit.
“He picked some fluff out his bum crack, asked me if I knew what it was, then sniffed it. I just got up and walked away. I couldn’t even make an excuse to leave.” (evilnoodle84)
“He came to pick me up. Started talking with my mom. They got along. He banged her the next night. Wish I was joking.” (my_swamp_now)
“I was set up by a friend when I was 16. He took me to the movies (at the mall) and awkwardly tried to make out. Then we sat in the food court and he asked my honest opinion of him, which I mumbled something typical like “You seem nice.” Without invitation, he then delved into what he thought of me, which was attractive but could be really hot if I lost 5-10lbs. Then he left me for a bit, which was weird, and returned with a lovely gift … a creepy puppet.” (RebeccaSays)
“My partner said he had a match date where the woman got incredibly drunk, and as they were walking back to his car so he could drive her home she asked him to “wait right here.” He thought maybe she was making a phone call or had to throw up, because she walked into an alley. Then she spread her legs and began peeing from under her skirt, spraying all over her legs and the wall of the alley, to which she called to him in a drunken slur, “is this turning you on?” There was no second date, and he scrubbed out his car seat with Mr. Clean.” (cheesedanish93)
“Once went on a date with a guy from work (bad idea) who took me to Dave and Buster’s. During the meal, he said all of the following:
I have a short attention span and can’t date a single girl for over 3 months.
I want to become a professional video game player.
I want to train to be a professional eater.
I don’t want to work a day in my life. I just want to play paintball.” (daniellejuice)
“He was cute, but had a harem and impregnation fetish. Never talked to him again.” (xdionne)
“More of a friend date, but I met a guy on OkCupid who seemed like a chill dude to get drinks with and shoot the shit.
Turns out he’s an anti-vaxxer, but not because of autism. He doesn’t want children who are vulnerable to illness to pollute our gene pool.” (SpoonResistance)
“I once went on a date with a girl and this is how the conversation went.
Her: “So what’s your favorite book?”
Me: “Tough, but when I was little I LOVED Jurassic Park”
Her: “Yuck, Jurassic Park”
Me: “The book or the movie? EVERYBODY loves Jurassic PARK!”
Her: “I don’t believe in dinosaurs”
Me: “Fossils?!??!??!”
I ended the conversation there and held onto the night. Until later on she told me, “I don’t believe in outer space” and my head f*cking exploded.” (Jack_Bandit)
“Went out on a coffee date with a guy a few years older than me. It was fine, uneventful. The next day he sent me a very long email detailing the graphic sexual fantasies he had thinking about me, even going so far as to mention, twice, that he had to stop writing to masturbate in the process of writing the email.” (factorygrl)
“Within 5 minutes of meeting, she told me about how she used to pee in her ex’s orange juice.” (e30s52)
“I got set up with the daughter of one of my parents’ friends. I wasn’t really looking forward to it, but I was on break from college, and she apparently went to school not far from me, so it wasn’t like a lost-cause summer romance type thing. They showed me pictures and said nice things about her.
I picked her up from her parent’s place (we were both home for the summer) and was a little surprised by how pretty she was; the pictures had been from when she was in high school, and didn’t do her justice. The date was dinner and a movie. Dinner went really well; we had a lot in common, she was very grounded and down-to-earth, cared about the environment. If I have a type, she was it.
So as we’re walking to the movie theater, I slipped my arm around her waist. She pushed me away and got all serious. “I’m really sorry, because you seem like a nice guy, but … I’m a lesbian. I just went out with you to make my parents happy.”
Sitting through The Chronicles of Narnia with her was the most awkward two hours of my life.” (alexanderwales)
“Drove 40 minutes for a date with a woman who didn’t have a car, but seemed really nice. Everything was going well for the first 10 minutes, then her ex showed up at the bar and joined us. They fought in front of me for 40 minutes, and I was just really hungry and enjoying the show with my dinner.
Turns out she cheated on him, and I spent the rest of the date talking to him. Super nice dude.” (looksharp1984)
“Drove a total of 6 hours to meet a guy I was talking to online who seemed nice. We saw a movie together which was largely uneventful and we got back to his car and he starts telling me to crush his junk” (deleted)
“We decide to meet near a train station (we lived close by) and go into town for coffee and to kick it. She tells me what she will be wearing and that she has a bright green moped. I tell her I’ll be wearing a red hat. I see her rolling up on this bright green moped. She sees me, we lock eyes and smile and wave. She then eats sh*t real hard face first in front of the hundreds of people at this busy train station. I kinda jog up to see if she’s ok… but she picks up her moped… looking all embarrassed and just rides off. Never heard from her again.” (jceez)
