25 People Who Got Ahead Of Themselves

“It’s going to be revolutionary!”

For a moment, there is only a cloud of smoke behind the big black desk that’s in front of many prestigious awards and a ten-foot high picture of Emanuel DiCallister dressed as Ceasar. Oh, and if only it was just a big cloud of smoke. A big cloud of smoke might have the minimal amount of awareness needed to see that this was an incredibly, profoundly, monumentally lame idea.

But no, soon the smoke passes and sitting behind the desk is Emanuel DiCallister himself. The movie tycoon’s tanned, smooth lips are curled back into a satisfied smile which is occasionally broken by a long Romeo Y Julieta Churchill. “It’s from 2014” he’s quick to remind you. Right. Like you were concerned whether or not his cigar was aged.

“Sir” you utter, a hint of fear on your breath “I’m not sure about this”. Emanuel’s eyebrow cascades itself into a skeptical, questioning parabola “And why not?” his voice booms, daring you to speak. Daring you to challenge his brilliance.

“I quite like it,” says Fred, his breath hot on your neck, hitting you with waves of Vegemite. Gross, vegemite! You can’t believe you have to live with this guy on your shoulder for three months! Oh yeah, baby! It’s the foot thing, but with a head!

Genius reigns once again in 25 People Who Got Ahead Of Themselves!

1. Bored at work.  You feel an itch on the side of your neck. “Hey” you say to Fred, trying to avoid his Australian pickle spread breath “can you scratch my neck”. Fred turns his head so you can feel the wet air on your ear. “Yeah of course” he screams, practically deafening you and forcing you to jerk your head to the side. “HEY!” yells Emanuel “careful with those necks! I spent a lot of money getting you two attached!”.

2. Stair surfing. “I’m sorry sir” you accidentally, probably based on instinct, apologize. There is a brief silence, the faint scritch scritch scritch of nails on the skin is heard. Carefully, you turn your head where you meet your other head’s eyes. “There?” asks Fred, blasting you with a vinegary mustard gas, your eyes watering. “A little higher” you choke out through gagging. Emanuel smiles at the two of you: “The people are going to LOVE the both of you! I’m going to be a freaking billionaire!”.

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